


Quiet

by kopieko



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Caring Hangyul, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Seungyoun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21715945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kopieko/pseuds/kopieko
Summary: Seungyoun is always noisy, always goofy, always laughing. But today, he's quiet.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 3
Kudos: 79





	Quiet

The morning feels chilly today in their dorm. It had been raining so heavily last night that today feels uncomfortably wet and humid. Hangyul wakes up to the sound of his phone alarm. 

7.35 am. _Shit they’re going to be late._

They have a schedule today at 9.00 am regarding their choreography. Apparently there has been changes and their manager just informed them about this yesterday night. They stayed up practicing non-stop until it was dead-dark at night. Changes of choreography are common for them but to be informed on such a short notice while their comeback date is less than a month away? Bollocks. 

Albeit, they persevered. The members managed to learn almost half the changes yesterday and are going to continue the rest of them today. They almost died, but they didn’t and that’s all that matters. 

Hangyul notices he’s the first to wake up. He gets up from his bed and glances worriedly around his room. It’s dead quiet, quieter than usual. It is usually at this time that he would see Seungyoun waking up the other members with his high pitched voice. It’s really one of a kind, his voice. He knows how to gently wake up the members with his softest voice yet with that same voice, sometimes Hangyul just wants him to shut up. 

He chuckles a bit remembering Seungyoun’s shenanigans. How he cheered the members up last night, how he made jokes but at the same time encouraged the members to endure the practice sessions. He actually made a mini TED talk on how amazing they felt when their names were called to the sofa seat by Lee Dongwook himself. He feels thankful suddenly that Seungyoun debuted with them. Strangely today though, the same energetic energy seems to be still asleep.

Hangyul feels a tug at his chest. He doesn’t know why he feels tugged and he doesn’t like it. _The tiredness finally caught on him?_ He shakes his head in assurance and proceeds to make his bed before finding his way out of his room to wake the other members.

He woke the young ones first. They’re all groggy and tired from lack of sleep but they diligently wake up while Hangyul goes to check on the older members. It doesn’t surprise him that the older members are waking up slowly too. They are the seniors of course. He goes back into the room he shares with Seungyoun. He expects to see Seungyoun have already taken a shower. It's always like that with the both of them, his daily routine is waking up to the sound of Seungyoun singing in the shower.

The strangest thing today though, Seungyoun still hasn’t woken up. _That's weird_ , he mutters under his breath. This is very unlike Seungyoun.

Hangyul sees Seungyoun is still sleeping with his side facing the wall. A blanket covers his shoulders as he sleeps unnervingly quieter than usual. 

“Seungyoun?” He gently presses Seungyoun’s shoulder. For a good three seconds, no response.

“Seungyoun? Wake up,” He moves Seungyoun’s shoulder a bit, just enough to get a response out of him.

“Mm..” Seungyoun, with his eyes still closed, mumbles sleepily. 

“What time..” 

“7.40 am. We have a schedule at 9.00 a.m.” Hangyul waits a bit beside Seungyoun’s bed, just checking if the latter is feeling alright. Seungyoun eventually wakes up and switches on his phone, the light from it making him scrunch his eyebrows, he feels a bit dizzy. 

“Shit we’re late” he curses as he squints at the blaring screen. “Thanks for waking me up, Hangyul,” 

Hangyul frowns. "Seungyoun, you don't look good," 

"I'm fine, I'm just a bit light-headed," Seungyoun says groggily.

"No, you look like shit. Can you even get up? I'll go get-,"

"No, wait," Hangyul is already standing when Seungyoun suddenly grabs his arm. "please don't tell Seungwoo. I'm fine." 

"You know you're not," 

"I'll take a shower. We're going to be late," 

"Hyung!" 

Hangyul doesn't even get to finish his sentence when Seungyoun immediately gets up and goes straight into the shower.

Saying he’s not worried would be a lie but he assures himself that Seungyoun is probably just tired. Yes. He probably is. 

*******

The choreography for their debut song is, to put it simply, hard. Like, really hard, amazingly difficult hard. The kind of hard that aches your thigh muscles and make your joints feel like jelly hard. 

Hangyul glances at a clock near the large mirror in front of them. '1 o'clock'. They've been practicing non-stop since 9 a.m. He feels sweaty and hot, just noticing how strained his muscles feel. 

Everyone flops to the cold wooden floor as the instructor tells them to take a break. 

"Haaaaaaaa," Dohyon sighs as loud as he can. "That was so tiring I was certain I was going to die," he lies on the floor with his arms protruding outwards from his body. 

"Me too," Dongpyo says while he's out of breath. 

"Let's go get lunch," Eunsang sits up and tugs at Dohyon's shirts. He merely nods and gets up slowly too. "I'll come with you," Dongpyo says.

"Everyone lets go get lunch. The cafeteria serves beef today." Seungwoo says to no one in particular. Everyone gets up after a few minutes and immediately follows Eunsang and the others to the cafeteria. 

Seungyoun on the other hand is sleeping at a corner, his body is curled up in a fetal position. Hangyul frowns and immediately goes to check on him. He saw how pale Seungyoun looked just now and he doesn't think he can just eat with Seungyoun looking like he's about to pass out any time soon. Seungyoun has a tendency to destroy himself and from seeing Seungyoun skipping his meals, vomiting and sleeping less these days, Hangyul knows for certain it's going to happen again.

He touches Seungyoun's slumped shoulder softly. _Jesus he's so pale_ , he says to himself. Seungyoun’s lips are really dry.

"Seungyoun, hey, we're going to get lunch." He whispers. Seungyoun is basically a ragdoll. He’s barely moving at all except for his slow breathing. A very odd circumstance for Cho Seungyoun because he is always moving, always never in one place. Yet here he is, unmoving. 

"Seungyoun?" He says a little louder.

No response. Hangyul begins to panic. He notices how shallow Seungyoun's breaths are and he isn't sweating at all after all the vigorous practice they just had. He himself is sweating buckets. _How is he not ... sweating at all?_

"Seungyoun? Can you hear me?" He touches Seungyoun's forehead to see if he has come down with a fever but instead, Seungyoun's forehead is cold. Really, really cold. 

"Hangyul, is Seungyoun not well?" Seungwoo asks from the opposite side of the room, noticing that Hangyul has been trying to wake Seungyoun up since a while ago. Everyone else has left leaving just him, Seungyoun and Seungwoo. 

"Hyung, Seungyoun isn't responding," He stares at Seungwoo with fear in his eyes. 

Seungwoo quickly goes to them both. "He's cold and he's not waking up." Hangyul continues.

"Seungyoun?" Seungwoo tugs at him a little more harder as an attempt to wake him. "Seungyoun, can you hear us? Seungyoun?"

Nothing.

"Damn it, not again." He hisses.

Seungwoo takes out his phone and immediately calls the ambulance. 

*******

"Hyung, is Seungyoun hyung going to be okay?" Dohyon asks Seungwoo immediately as he steps into their dormitory. 

Seungwoo gives him a smile and pats his back. He's not sure if Seungyoun is okay but he knows Seungyoun wouldn't want his members to be worried. They're all gathered at their dorm's dinner table tonight. Seungwoo just came back from the hospital with their manager leaving Hangyul to take care of him for the night.

"He's going to get better. Don't worry, Dohyon."

"I didn't notice he wasn't feeling well." Eunsang says, worry is written all over his face. "I talked to him yesterday but I thought he was just tired." Eunsang is the type that cannot lie and it is obvious that he is suppressing his tears. 

"It's okay Eunsang. It's not your fault." Seungwoo reassures and gives Eunsang a gentle pet on his head. He feels like punishing himself for being oblivious to Seungyoun's condition. It's unbelievable to him that he didn't notice it. Seungyoun has always been so happy and so cheerful. Why didn't he notice that Seungyoun was in pain? 

"What did the doctor say?" Minhee asks. 

“Just like last time. Dehydration and extreme iron deficiency. He developed anemia from it.” The younger members have a painful look on their face. It’s too obvious that they’re blaming themselves for it. Seungwoo isn't doing any better himself. He was too busy with the comeback he didn't notice that Seungyoun hasn't been eating well. As far as he remembered, Seungyoun was still eating but he was also probably vomiting due to stress. 

“He’s going to be staying in the hospital for a while.” He says with a heavy heart. He knows this might affect their comeback but at times like this, he just cannot be bothered by it. He just wants Seungyoun to get better.

*******

Hangyul tells their manager that he would be taking care of Seungyoun for a while more but he promises that he would be back at the dorm by 10 p.m. He watches as Seungyoun’s chest rise and fall slowly to a specific rhythm. He looks better than he did three hours ago. He feels a particular ache in his chest and he thinks he's never going to get used to this situation; a healthy person staring helplessly at a sick person's breathing. He hasn't really been the healthiest person among the other members but he’s definitely not one who wants to see the people he treasure get sick. Especially his members. _Especially Seungyoun_. 

It has been three weeks since the last time Seungyoun fainted like this. He still remembers that day vividly. They were in their practice room, practicing for a show. They actually just came back from another show they attended so there wasn't really any time for them to really sit down and talk properly to each other. They were just dancing as usual when suddenly Seungyoun just fell to the ground. He still remembers how his heart just sank when he saw Seungyoun’s white lips as he lay there unconscious. He remembers looking at the mirror for Seungyoun’s reflection as he danced instead of looking at his own reflection. He was the first one to notice Seungyoun had passed out because he saw Seungyoun’s eyes roll back as he stood up from the ground. 

His hands become cold when he remembers how scared he felt at the time.

_“No no, I’m fine I’m okay I can still practice,” Seungyoun says sounding desperate. He gets out of his bed and stands up but turns pale as soon as he starts to walk. The light becomes blinding and his vision spins around him before he falls to the floor._

_“See? You're not okay!” Hangyul exclaims as he takes Seungyoun’s hands to help him get up. Seungyoun refuses his help and pushes his hands away. “I don't need help. I'm fine.” He glares but his eyes are glassy with tears. His attempt at trying to stand up on his own fails, he feels too weak and his head aches so much he can't even open his eyes. “Can’t I just join practice? Please I can’t just miss this.” He sounds like he’s choking, like he’s suppressing a scream from holding it for too long.._

_“Seungyoun, everyone's decided that you’re going to have to sit out of this one and you don't really have a choice.” Seungwoo interferes. He looks both angry and worried, mostly worried. “You just got back from the hospital after being unconscious for one whole day for god’s sake, Seungyoun.”_

_“But hyung!”_

_“Seungyoun!” He’s now just angry and Hangyul has never seen him glare at someone as intense as he’s staring at Seungyoun right now. Seungyoun stares at the floor as his hand curls into a tight fist. There is nothing he could do. It has been decided that he has to sit out on this one whether he likes it or not. Hangyul helps him get up and he obliges, to weak to rebel. He lies in bed and Seungwoo tells Hangyul to leave him to rest for now. Seungyoun curls in his bed and falls asleep, Hangyul could have sworn he could see tears falling from the corners of Seungyoun’s eyes as he leaves the room._

*******

Seungyoun wakes up to the sound of silence. Everything around him is blurry, but white. He feels clammy and sickly and, _Where is he?_ He remembers sleeping on the floor after the practice. _Wait, was it after the practice or before lunch?_ Everything is foggy, he doesn't remember coming here.

His throat feels sore and dry, like he just swallowed a dry roses with their thorns attached. It took him a while to regain his vision as he looks around. But he needs water, he’s so thirsty. He wants to move his hand but he couldn’t. He feels like he's trapped in his own body. Everything aches and his head is pounding like crazy. He calls for someone with a scratchy voice, it is all he could manage.

“Water…”

“Seungyoun?” He hears a familiar voice. It is Hangyul. Hangyul grabs a bottle of mineral water on his bedside and helps him to a sitting position so Seungyoun could drink with ease. Seungyoun is too weak to even say anything so he allows Hangyul to assist him. The water feels like an oasis on his dry throat. How in the world did he let himself get so thirsty. “Thank you,” he barely manages to whisper as he sinks back into the mattress.

“How are you feeling?” Hangyul asks.

The white sheets, the curtains, the grey walls and ceiling, he’s at the hospital. _“Again,”_ he thinks. 

Seungyoun's eyes widen. He can't be here. Not now. He can't. He quickly gets up into a sitting position and tries to rip his IV needle from his hand. His eyes turn glassy and he begins to breathe faster. "I have to go," he sounds so desperate, like he’s being chased. 

"Seungyoun where are you going?" Hangyul grabs Seungyoun's hand preventing him from ripping out the needles from his arm. Also, journalists are all there. They're not there waiting for them but they're there for any scoop they could lay their hands on so he knows very well not to let Seungyoun out this time.

"I need to go to practice Hangyul," He says. His shaking hands are preventing him from removing the plaster that’s covering the IV needle. 

"What? You mean right now?" Hangyul says it in awe, to be honest he’s completely astounded at the fact that Seungyoun has just collapsed, with an IV drip attached to him yet Seungyoun still wants to practice? “Are you crazy? You just collapsed,” He takes Seungyoun’s hands away from his IV needle. Seungyoun’s fingers are cold but sweaty. 

“You don’t understand,” He says quietly. 

“What do I not understand, Seungyoun?”

Seungyoun refuses to answer.

“Seungyoun, look at me,” Hangyul looks into Seungyoun’s eyes while Seungyoun is trying hard to avert his stare. He's so pale he can't even imagine Seungyoun getting any more pale than this. His lips are white and his cheeks are several shades lighter, lacking that cheerful blush he always has when he laughs. “I can’t help you if you don't tell me.” Seungyoun remains quiet. He’s just staring into his palms, they're still a bit shaky, although less shaky than they were a few minutes ago. Hangyul sits on the edge of the bed and takes Seungyoun's palms into his own. “Breathe slowly.” It's an attempt at helping him calm down. He stayed like that for a good five minutes with Seungyoun, just holding his palms and helping him breathe.

“Are you calm now?” Hangyul suddenly breaks the loud silence between them. Seungyoun nods and takes away his hands from Hangyul’s hands. This Seungyoun is the vulnerable Seungyoun, the one people barely sees, the one he never makes other people see. That Seungyoun is the one sitting in front of him right now.

Hangyul gets up and tells Seungyoun to rest for today. It is almost 10 p.m. and he has to go back. He glances at Seungyoun before he walks out of his ward. Seungyoun just looks distant, scared, like he’s done something wrong and he’s scared he’s about to get scolded by someone. It’s weird how he’s just so noisy three days ago but now he looks like a toy without its battery. It hurts Hangyul so much but for now he has to let Seungyoun rest. 

*******

"Where do you think you're going?" Hangyul blocks Seungyoun from going out of the hospital ward. He was planning to tell Seungyoun that the others are doing okay and that they all want him to get better but his intentions were diminished when he saw Seungyoun taking his jacket and his wallet with him looking like he’s in a hurry as soon as he stepped into the room. It looks like he had ripped off his IV drip from his arm. It is 9 a.m. and Seungyoun already looks like he’s a whole bundle of mess.

"Can you please piss off?" Seungyoun says to Hangyul, staring straight into those eyes in anger. Hangyul can’t tolerate this anymore. He’s going to make Seungyoun talk whether he wants to or not. His behaviour is ridiculous and it’s not going to help anyone at this point. 

"And what? Let you die in the studio?" 

Seungyoun finds himself startled at Hangyul’s words.

"Answer me. Do you want to die?"

Seungyoun quietly stares at the floor.

"Because I don't want you to die. So please, Cho Seungyoun. Listen to me for once." Hangyul wants to scream those words out but he knows it’s not going to make Seungyoun talk. Instead, he takes a breath and exhales calmly. He closes the door behind him and stands in front of Seungyoun. “Please explain to me what’s happening here.” He starts.

“I can’t just rest like this,” 

“Why not?” 

“Not when everyone else is practicing,” 

“And what makes you think you don’t deserve any rest?” Hangyul asks. He tries to sound soft but he can feel his voice going louder and louder as their conversation progresses. Cracking Seungyoun has always been the hardest thing he’s ever done. Seungyoun barely cries, barely complains and barely shows his weak side. But even when it’s hard, Hangyul cannot let Seungyoun keep his guard up. The more he bottles, the more he and the other members are hurting because of this. They have to help him with whatever it is he's going through right now but in order for them to help, Seungyoun has to open up. He has to trust his members for the others to trust him.

“Can I just go back home?” Seungyoun begins to falter. His voice begins to waver and his eyes become glassy with tears he’s probably been holding back since yesterday. “Please,” he covers his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. “I’m tired,” 

Hangyul sighs. A tough nut to crack, this person. “I’ll go get the doctor.”

Hangyul opens the door to get a doctor to check up on Seungyoun and at that precise moment, Seungyoun passed out for the third time. 

*******

“Idiot,” is the first word he hears as soon as he regains his consciousness. He wakes up to Hangyul sitting on his bedside, grabbing a wet towel soaking it in lukewarm water. 

“I’ve never met a bigger idiot other than you, do you know that?” He carefully dries the water from the towel and places it on Seungyoun’s forehead. The towel feels so good on his forehead. He head was burning just now and his brain feels like it’s going to explode. 

“You know Seungwoo hyung has been blaming himself for not noticing that you were sick?” Seungyoun looks surprised. _No he doesn't_ . _Why would Seungwoo hyung blame himself for this?_

“The kids keep messaging me to ask me if you were okay,” Hangyul smiles as he looks at the screen of his phone. “Ah, Eunsang is asking me right now,” He shows Seungyoun the messages he got from their younger members and Seungyoun looks stunned when he sees that they’ve all been asking if he was okay to Hangyul every single minute. 

“You see Seungyoun, we all care about you, so so much,” Hangyul says as he scrolls the messages that were sent to him, all asking the same things. 

_‘Hyung, how is Seungyoun hyung?’_

_‘Hyung, is Seungyoun hyung in pain?’_

_‘Has Seungyoun hyung eaten?’_

Seungyoun begins to cry. It takes Hangyul by surprise when he starts crying but at least now he's glad Seungyoun is finally talking. 

"I didn't mean to make anyone worry," he closes his eyes with his arms, not wanting to let Hangyul see his current state. 

"It's okay, we know,"

"It's just that, I feel so left behind," Seungyoun's words begins to slur as his crying gets a little louder. "I can't be resting. I can't keep failing. If I fail again I don't know what I should do," Hangyul listens to Seungyoun intently. This is the first time he hears Seungyoun cry as sincerely as he is right now, all bare and transparent. 

"Thinking about failing makes me feel so anxious. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't make myself stop thinking about it I don't know what I should do," he continues, sobbing louder. 

"The fact that if I fail, I'll risk everyone's success too, Hangyul. What if that happens?" He cries and cries and cries and Hangyul listens to every word, making sure he understands Seungyoun, making sure he takes note on what has been eating at Seungyoun's heart lately. 

"I can't rest like this Hangyul. I basically don't have time for this. I should be doing my best but my body keeps failing me I'm so angry." Seungyoun isn't really someone who likes to put burdens on other people but he likes to carry everyone's burdens instead. He doesn't notice how destructive he has been. 

Hangyul lets Seungyoun cry his heart out until Seungyoun finally calms down. His sobbing subsides and he begins to wipe his tears with his hands. He looks like an absolute wreck, he really cried a lot. Seungyoun sits up and grabs a tissue from his bedside. He wipes his face dry properly and fidgets with the tissue in his hands.

"Oh god I must look like a balloon right now," he says with a hoarse voice, the kind that sounds like you're down with the flu. 

"I mean, your nose is already so red I'm sure you know you look like a red balloon right now I'm not going to lie," Hangyul tries to joke and it works. He finally hears Seungyoun's laugh. 

"Have I told you that you're the biggest idiot I've ever met?" Hangyul asks.

"Yeah, just now," Seungyoun smiles painfully. 

Hangyul stands up and gets his face closer to Seungyoun's. Seungyoun can feel his heart racing, it feels like his chest is going to burst open and he wonders if Hangyul can hear the loud thunderstorm of his heartbeat because if he can, it's not surprising at all since it's really, really loud. Hangyul cups Seungyoun's face in his palms and stares at him intently before banging his own forehead against Seungyoun. 

"OUCH WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Seungyoun yells aloud, rubbing his sore forehead.

"I just feel like doing it." Hangyul replies nonchalantly.

"WHA- I'M SICK IN BED HANGYUL,"

"Gee you sure were denying that just a few minutes ago," Hangyul shrugs like he's done absolutely nothing wrong at all.

"Well I take it back. Goddamn this hurts, Jesus Christ." Seungyoun lashes while he rubs his harassed forehead.

"That's for hiding your problems to yourself," Hangyul immediately continues making Seungyoun feels stunned. 

"That's also for letting the lies you tell yourself get the better of you," Hangyul's expression is serious and for a while, Seungyoun forgot Hangyul has always been a goofy person. 

"What lies?" Seungyoun genuinely asks.

"All the things you told me just now? Those are all lies." Seungyoun becomes quiet and he contemplates about everything he said just now.

"You see, those aren't true at all. The lies you tell yourself at three in the morning, the lies you hear when you're showering, when you're spacing out, when you're practicing to death, those aren't real," Seungyoun doesn't know what to say to Hangyul. Instead he listens.

"Our caring of you though, our worries about you, our prayers for you to get better, our pain in our chest when you keep these things from us, those are real Seungyoun." Hangyul sketches a smile towards Seungyoun. He feels glad that Seungyoun is listening to him now. He has to make sure Seungyoun knows that he isn't always alone.

"Do you know how it hurts me to see you sick like this?" 

Seungyoun truthfully has no idea.

"I can't watch you get sick like this, Seungyoun." Hangyul looks hurt. The words he says are clear but there's a piercing force in them that aches Seungyoun. 

"You're an idiot. I wish I can be ill in your place instead, you know?" 

"Yeah, I know." Seungyoun finally says.

Hangyul takes Seungyoun's hands and cups them in his. 

"Can you promise me you'll get better properly? Can you let yourself rest for this week?" Hangyul stares at Seungyoun straight into his eyes. Seungyoun doesn't realize how much Hangyul cares about him. He thought that this industry is for loneliness, for survival, for getting ahead no matter what it takes, for believing that you will always have to walk alone. But he's wrong it seems and Hangyul was right, he is an idiot for not realizing what he had. 

He has Hangyul, he has the other members, his fans, his family and his friends. He shouldn't be torturing himself like this.

"Okay Hangyul. I'll take that week off properly," Seungyoun says softly.

"Thank you Hangyul." 

"If you do this shit again I will put a hole in your forehead." Seungyoun laughs and it makes Hangyul feel so relieved that he's finally acting like himself again.

"Okay okay I will not let this happen again,"

"You promise?"

"I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
